can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
