If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
