I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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