That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
