It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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