I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
