i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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