I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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