why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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