North Korea, Best Korea!
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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