I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
