U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
