Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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