Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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