Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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