dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
