There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
