Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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