Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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