i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
