i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
