You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
