Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
