Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
