Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
