You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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