This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
