So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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