Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
