I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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