I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
