Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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