so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
This is the high leading the old right now
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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