Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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