Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
