who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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