I hate your face
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
