"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The beers last night were like the tears from god
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
