Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
