She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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