I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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