Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
