i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
