i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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