What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
