Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
