Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
