First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
