Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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