This gyro tastes like lonliness
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
