The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
