Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
