your thong is hanging out like whoa
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
