Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
