There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just had sex on a roof
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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