Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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