I want to walk on stilts...naked
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
